Detoxing Myself...Again

I'm living my life addicted a drug.  My drug of choice is food, crappy food to be more precise.  Sitting on the couch or at the computer eating the crappy food.  Not getting enough sleep because I am on the couch or at the computer eating crappy food.  Not getting enough exercise because....well by now I hope you get the picture because I sure as hell do.  There is a word for people like me..."overweight, crappy food eater who spends more time watching TV and putting crappy food into his mouth than doing something good for his body."  Oh wait...that was more than a word....well fuck it...it's accurate.  Moving on.


If history has taught me anything it's that when it comes to taking care of me and my body I very rarely see anything to the very end.  I'm good for a little while and then magically (by magically I mean some fucked up reason that shouldn't have so much power) I just stop.  Could be stubbed toe, too many rainy days in a row, Mars in retrograde or someone killed a butterfly on the other side of the world and a tsunami happened in my life.  I have been unable to stay on the path to a healthier me for more than a few months at a time.  A few examples:


Few years ago I had an A1C of 11.1 which any diabetic or diabetes familiar will tell you is CRRRRRRAZY high for an diabetic.  I started taking care of myself. From February until June I was effective with my eating, exercising and medication.  In June my A1C was 6.6, which those same people would tell you is perdy f'n good.  Then I just stopped doing what I was doing.  Within 3 months my A1C was back up into the 9's


Last year I started running. I started in July by walking and eventually I was able to run a 5K without stopping (actually my personal best was 4.37 miles without stopping).  I ran in 4 races in that time and while I was not in competition I still felt like a few million pounds (£) (it's worth more than the American dollar).  I ran a race in October.  A few days later, without any pre-thought I stopped doing it. 


Those are just a few of the recent ones.  I can go back 15-20 years where I was taking care of my self and then POW BANG BOOM......nuthin.  


My therapist and I had been working on it because therapy is good for a person.  But guess what... I stopped going to therapy too.  C'mon you saw that coming, didn't you?


So what am I going to do?  I'm not getting any healthier putting shitty food in my body and not working out or running or any kind of aerobic exercise.  My wife and I were sitting on the floor today playing with JD and she looked at my feet and said, "Your feet look dead!"  Personally they are very white but I have full feeling in both feet and my doctor looked at them a few weeks back and didn't have too much concern but the point is.... my feet look dead.  Still the question is on the table...What am I going to do?  But is that really the right question to be asking?


I feel I have demonstrated having the knowledge of what to do and how to do it.  The real question is, HOW DO I KEEP MYSELF DOING IT BEYOND A FEW MONTHS?  This is my quest.  Arthur had the Holy Grail.  Vladimir and Estragon had Godot and the people who saw Gigli in the movie theater are looking for their refund.  I am looking for my way to stick with it.  Until I find it I'll just keep trying and minimize the abuse time in between.    


My Plan:  The last week or so has been brutal and I need to stop abusing my body via food now.  I started a detox of my system tonight.  Nothing chemical just keeping my diet healthy, drinking plenty of water, increasing my exercise from 0 to 60 minutes a day and getting more sleep.  Oh yeah and I am going back into therapy.


Wish me luck and I welcome any comment or suggestions.  


Still thinking of a tagline!


PAK 


PS: the photo above was not staged.  I made Sara some alphabet pasta.  After she said she was done, I took her bowl and when I looked inside those were the letters left, I just arranged them to be closer to one another.