Let me explain... Not enough time, let me sum up.
One of my earliest memories of me interacting with my dad was when I was 6. We were in the car waiting for my mother I assume. I was in the front seat (love the early 70's strict seatbelt laws) and I asked him how old he was. He replied, "36". Without missing a beat I said "You have a lot of gray hair for 36." You can imagine his response wasn't a favorable one. I was in the back seat within a few seconds. Looking back I realized a few things from this memory. My dad was almost always very honest with me. Secondly, I always knew where I stood. If he was upset with me he would let me know. If he was happy, well that came later.
When I was in Cub Scouts each year we would participate in the Pinewood Derby. Each year Dad would take a day and make the racers for my brother and me. He came up with some pretty cool designs, coloring and creative use of weights. Again as I look back into this memory, he really gave a decent amount of his time and attention to detail. Even after he sliced his hand open making our racers he was back at it the next year. I don't know who was more excited each heat we won, him or me? Some of those racers still exist somewhere, perhaps with my brother. I'll have to check with him.
I've told the YoYo story before but I think its worth mentioning again. When I was younger, I wanted a yoyo. Any and every store I was in with Dad that had yoyo's I was asking him to buy me one. "No" was the steady answer. It got to the point were I stopped asking. Fast forward enough time where I gave up asking. One morning before school, my father hands me a $1 dollar bill. He tells me to go to the Home Cash Market, walk through the front door, turn to my right and pick one. I was clueless. I can remember him saying, just shut up and do it! All during school I had this dollar burning a hole in my pocket. I could have purchased and extra lunch or got something else. I resisted temptation. After school I walked down to Home Cash Market (which is in the opposite direction of how normally go home). I walked in the door, turn to my right and before me was a tall rack of Duncan YoYo's. Almost all of them were 95 cents (the light up one was a little more). So I picked my yoyo our and headed to the register. I don't know if the woman knew me or knew my dad but she had a smile on her face like she knew what just happened. I remember when Dad got home from work he saw me playing with my new acquisition. I remember saying thank you and him giving me "the look".
As I mentioned before I always knew were I stood with my father. When I was in high school my parents separated. As I write this I seem to remember he driving me to band practice with a bunch of his stuff in the back seat of his car and him telling me he wouldn't be home for a while. Odd what we remember. Some time passed and I guess I hadn't spoke to my dad in a while. He picked me up after school one day, which was very unusual, under the guise of going to Sears to get my brother a birthday present. As we got there he asked in his salty way why I wasn't talking to him. I told him the reasons (which I won't mention here). He proceeded to engage me in a conversation like no other I had ever had with him before. It was on that day in October when I found the human inside this larger than life entity that was my dad. He was open, honest, engaging. I realized that day he loved me and I was important to him. Yeah my eyes are welling up as I write this but dammit I gotta get thru this.
This year ends with something I may have mentioned before too. Dad liked to come to my comedy shows when he could. One of my shows was on May 12, his birthday. I remember he was late getting to the club and I asked the host to hold up the show for just 5 minutes. He showed up about 4 minutes and 35 seconds later. I ran through my act and left myself about a minute at the end. I told the crowd it was my dad's birthday and if we could all sing happy birthday to him. Have a capacity crowd of 150 singing to him was simply un-fucking-believeable. After the show, he came up to me, big smile on his face, despite the amount of pain he was in, and said he was so proud of me and he loved me.
It was only the second time he ever said that to me but that didn't matter. It's quality, not quantity.
For those that knew him, join me in remembering him. For those not fortunate enough to have met him know that my father, Donald G. Kravitz was more sinner than saint. He was rough around the edges. He was, at times, short tempered and used some of the most foul language. He was flawed. He was also kind, helpful and generous. He went out of his way for those he cared about. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, he loved me. I only had a handful of time as an adult with him. I wished for more but happy with what I was able to have.
My life to date hasn't turned out the way I imagined it would years ago. This year has been a rollercoaster. Higher than high and lower than low. I was watching a tv commercial the other day and I hear a speech and I realize it is from the last Rocky movie. Say what you want about Sly this was a really decent pep talk and it fits into my father / son theme today.
Like I always say to my kids, "Why do we fall? So we can learn how to get back up."
Joel just walked in and asked if I was going to sing Twinkle Twinkle tonight. "Absolutely buddy, I'll be right there." Joel replied, "Ok daddy" as he walked over gave me a kiss followed by, "I love you daddy". Yeah I lost it. :-)
Paul
Today's title comes from one of Dad's favorite songs.
The Paul Report ©2014 Paul Kravitz
