Life lately has been a series of challenges. I'm about to hit my 2 year anniversary of unemployment. I've lost my house, my credit rating, my version of man's best friend Jordan, my dignity and my ability to be hired in the field I spent the last 20 years in. I've applied for jobs in retail but due to constraints on the hours I can work (mostly days) I am not getting the call backs. Currently my title is work/stay at home dad to my kids which I am grateful for the chance to be able to do. Having said that my kids are getting older and are testing limits so I have to dole out a little bit o' punishment, which makes me the de facto bad guy much of the time. My daughter sings the "I Miss Mommy When She Goes To Work" song each and everyday and on cue she ends up crying harder than Michael Jackson on "She's Out Of My Life". I deal with this almost every day. And I get she misses her mother when she goes to work, but for the love of all that is good and holy how about being thankful you're not being raised by some relative stranger who has several kids to watch over and can't give you the one on one attention you so desire. How about giving dad some props for taking you to the mall and getting you on the bus ride or serves you up the treat of pretzels or ice cream. How about the dad who picks you up when you are to tired to walk despite the fact he is pushing your sibling in the carriage. How about going to the park or for a walk or playdates. I know parenting is a thankless job and I don't do anything with the expectation of being patted on the back. Having said that I hope in the years to come my kids will look back and say, "I was so lucky to have my dad home with me when I was younger...he is the best daddy evah!!!!
As I mentioned before I had to put down my dog Jordan. It was decided this would be done before we left our foreclosed home and moved into the apartment. His condition was worsening and I couldn't put it off any longer. So after a trip to McDonalds for his last meal of a double cheeseburger and fries, he was brought to the vet where my wife and I said our goodbyes to Jordan and watched him fall asleep for the last time. I should mention its getting harder to type this because my eyes are welling up. That dog was a pain in the ass. He whined alot, had vile breath and always needed to go out just as I would sit down to watch a movie. But he was also a great companion many nights after everyone had gone to bed and I was working in my office. He would lay at my feet and I would pet him with my toes. He was addicted to the laser light and would often be looking for it hours after I put it away. He would always conform his little body to mine after I would fall asleep at night and very often I wouldn't know he was there until I woke up in the morning. He loved going to doggie daycare and was very popular there. I remember picking him up after his first day. He was so exhausted her slept on the ride home and I was forced to carry him inside the apartment. I placed him on the couch and he did not move until the next morning. He was a good dog and I miss him everyday.
Jordan was with us for a few years when we got him a playmate in September of 2001. Her name was Zoe. Zoe was for all intents and purposes Jordan's sidekick. Where Jordan would calculate his paw pressure on the pavement to maximize proper posture and minimize wear and tear on the pads, Zoe usually had a look like she was thinking "Left foot, right foot, left foot right foot." In other words, she wasn't very bright. But what she lacked in intelligence she more than made up in sweetness. She was a lovable oaf. She would occasionally give some trouble but overall she just followed Jordan around. When Jordan didn't come home from the vet that day, Zoe noticed immediately. Zoe's health started deteriorating shortly thereafter. We decided we would bring Zoe to the new apartment with us. She adjusted ok but the excessive stair climbing and lack of a place to run took it's toll and Zoe's health started to fade. We sent Zoe to be with her brother Jordan last weekend. I remember seeing my wife drive away with Zoe in the car and I started sobbing like a little girl with a skinned knee. I knew we were doing the right thing because we didn't want her suffer anymore but she was just so sweet I saw her face and it was if she was saying "Oh boy a car ride...it's been a while." I wanted to be with her in her final moments but I had a previous commitment I couldn't get out of. To me Zoe was always like Fredo Corleone. Not to smart, very sweet and I hated that she didn't have her entire family around her in her last moments with us. My wife was there with her and I have to believe Zoe was ok with that because otherwise I would be filled with such sadness. Sleep well Zoe. I hope you and Jordan are running around the backyard again.
Ok I am going to send this up. Thanks for bearing with me during my time of utter writing uselessness. I hope I have better things to write about the next time I put fingers to keyboard.
Best wishes,
PAK
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